It's been awhile..

and I have not forgotten about my blog. I don't want to be one of those people that starts the thing and never writes anything, but it is been a rough month and I have really just been procrastinating this post. I think if I can get past this one, I will be better!!

My dad passed away on August 1st. We were very lucky to have had my mom, brother and his wife Linde, and Thomas all there in the room with him when it happened. My mom and I were holding his hands, she told him it was okay to go and kissed him, I was able to "zrbtt" (zerbert) him one last time, and then he was gone. I'll never forget seeing my mom curled up on his hospital bed crying after they took him. I curled up with her on the bed and and held her and we both cried, not believing what had just happened. That will be a memory that stays with me for the rest of my life. We spent the next week planning the service and trying to keep each other busy. I was amazed and felt truly blessed for all of the wonderful support we received from family and friends.

The service was beautiful and just what we would have wanted. He is buried at the Houston National Cemetery. The American Legion did a flag folding ceremony where they recite a poem as they are folding the flag. It was very touching. Thomas and I took Caroline to the cemetery later that afternoon the day of his funeral and as we drove into the cemetery, we saw a beautiful rainbow. It hadn't been raining at all that day, but I like to think that was him letting us know he was okay, that we would be ok, and that he was looking out for us.

So it has been a little over a month now and that is so hard to believe. I sometimes, for a split second forget and think to myself that I need to call my mom and check on him or stuff will happen at my house or with my car and I think "oh...I'll call daddy..he'll know the answer." And then it hits me that I can't do that...that he's not here. I can't pick up the phone anymore and hear his voice. I just can't believe this has happened. I hadn't come to terms with the fact that he was sick and going to die in 6 month, so the fact that he went so quickly is just still so shocking to me. I know that he wanted it that way and I honestly think he willed it to happen this way, but I wish I would have had just a few more better days with him. I would give anything for that. I would give anything to hear his voice right now, calling me "Amos" or telling me that whatever I was doing would "give me worms" or "put hair on my chest (odd I know =) ). I can almost hear his voice in my mind when I close my eyes. I hope that doesn't go away.

So I took a 1/2 day from work on Tuesday (the 1st) and spent it with my mom. It was a good day for us. We went to lunch, did a little shopping, and then went to the cemetery. We were surprised by the fact that the headstone was there. We thought it would've taken longer, but it was nice to see it there. He just needs grass now!

So like I said, I have been putting this post off for a long time now because I knew how emotional I would get while doing it (and I have-it's been very hard), but I do feel a little better now that I have actually written it out as it's not something I tend to talk about a whole lot.

So this is enough for tonight. Thanks for listening/reading!