We have a diagnosis...

We found out officially on Wednesday, July 15th after he was admitted back into the hospital the day before, because of now, what we think was a broken rib. After meeting with the oncologist, he diagnosed my dad with small cell lung cancer. This type of cancer typically spreads quickly, usually to the bone marrow and/or brain. We do not know if it has spread and he has decided not to have the MRI or bone marrow scans necessary to find out as he has decided not to pursue treatment. The oncologist indicated that patients with small cell lung cancer that do not receive treatment are not expected to live longer than 6 months.

We had a good conversation with the dr where we talked about the options and risks associated with treatment. I am sure it sounds crazy that he has decided to not even try treament and it did to me initially (and still may a bit), but this is the decision he has made. The fact that he has CLL adds serious complications to the situation and course of treatment. If he didn't have CLL, it would be somewhat less risky, but the fact that he does AND the fact that his body didn't handle even a very light dose of chemo the 1st time he had it makes things even more complicated and risky. The chemo he received the 1st time worked almost to well in that it has made his white blood cell count go through the roof over the past year or so, while his red blood cells and platelets are extremely low and not coming back up at the rate they should be. The dr indicated that they could not give him a low dose of chemo with this type of cancer, that they would have to be very aggessive. If his body reacted the same way it did the 1st time, he may not even survive the treatment. It would likely wipe out his platelets and red blood cells and if they didn't come back quick enough (or possibly at all), we would likely lose him pretty quickly at that point. His quality of life also played a huge role in his decision. He watched his mom battle cancer for 5 years and has said to us, repeatedly, that she had no quality of life during that time and that he hated watching what she went through. That was the only time I had ever seen him cry. It has so hard on him. He has said to us that he doesn't want to live his life like that and I understand that. He would rather spend as much good time with us as he can.

It is hard for me to say and I almost feel guilty in saying it, but I do understand and respect his decision and feel that he has made the right one. The risks associated with treatment are very high and if he proceeded down that path, we could lose him sooner and I am not ready for him to go! I feel that 6 months is better than nothing. I have had a really rough few days coming to terms with this and I am not real sure I there 100% (maybe I never will will be). I pray daily for the strength to be positive and strong for he and my mom and to enjoy the time I have left with him and not waste it being sad. I know in my head that this is what I need to do, but getting my heart to fall in line with this seems damn near impossible as I know, from going through this with my grandmother, that we have a very painful road ahead of us! So for now, I am trying to take it day by day and deal with what comes up.

One of my best friends gave me some really good advice the other day! She said to try and end your day by thinking of something good that happened that day, like something cute Caroline did or a hug by Thomas! I think this is wonderful advice and am trying to make it a point to do this throughout my day. I will try and do the same on the blog as well by posting some recent pics of Caroline!